


Kravitz doesn't understand

by alinal



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Autistic Angus McDonald, M/M, Stimming, Trans Angus McDonald, Trans Kravitz (The Adventure Zone), autistic author, but i'm not agender so you know, i'm thinking of kravitz as agender in this, so don't worry!, trans author, trans solidarity bbyyyyyy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:09:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28271427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alinal/pseuds/alinal
Summary: Kravitz isn't a dude, but it's hard to tell people. And will Taako even still like him?This is a post story and song fic, with angus mcdonald is adopted by the B.O.B vibes.
Relationships: Angus McDonald & Everyone, Carey Fangbattle/Killian, Kravitz & Angus McDonald, Kravitz/Taako (The Adventure Zone)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 41





	Kravitz doesn't understand

**Author's Note:**

> Some notes: yes i am coding carey as adhd, specifically predominantly hyperactive. this is, of course, only one of many ways someone can be trans. kravitz still uses he/him pronouns, because he thinks of them as just another aspect of presentation. uhhhh don't think too hard about how this fits into any time line, because it doesn't really.

Kravitz understands he looks like a man. He knows that that was how he presented back in life, and how he was interpreted, and he knows that, logically, if he does nothing to change it that’s how he’ll look. And he’s okay with it. Looking like a man is how he wants to look, it’s how he feels comfortable.

What Kravitz doesn’t understand is why that has to mean people decide he _is_ a man. Because he’s not. Never has been, presumably never will be. He’s just not anything, has never really understood it when people say they are a girl or a boy. It’s not important to him, and he wishes people would just stop. Stop looking at him and assuming “masculine” means man, stop calling him dude, stop making him into something he’s not just because once upon a time he chose suits instead of dresses.

He doesn’t want to be a girl either, and he doesn’t want to be non-binary. He wants to just be Kravitz, and he doesn’t understand why he has to choose something.

Kravitz understands that if he were to tell, say, Taako he wasn’t a boy, it would be fine. The problem is trying to work out how to convey that not only is he not a boy, he’s not anything. Also, he knows it would be very hard for anyone to think of him as not a man, given the fact that he’s never made any attempt to look any different from his normal state.

So he decides it’s not worth it. Still, it bugs him, mostly when Taako loudly introduces him as “my boyfriend”.

(That’s the other problem. Taako is a boy, and he likes boys, and if Kravitz isn’t a boy, Taako can’t like him.)

Kravitz lets it go on for almost a year, although that introduces another problem, one who by himself is a gift but does make the eventual “breaking up with Taako” that must occur much more difficult.

It’s Angus, and he quickly becomes one of Kravitz’s most valued people. So when one day he comes up to Kravitz with a worried look on his face, Kravitz knows he would do anything to avoid hurting him. (Including dealing with a certain low-level discomfort every time Angus says “mister”)

“Mister Kravitz?” Angus asks, looking slightly ashen. (The discomfort is much overshadowed by fear.)

“Yes, Angus?”

“Well, it’s only that I need to buy something and Taako is busy and the people I would usually go to for this kind of thing are all out and it’s kinda urgent and-” Angus says, explaining quite quickly. Kravitz notices he’s stimming energetically, and wonders what could be making him this anxious.

“Stop. Angus, what do you need?”

“Sorry, sir, I know we haven’t talked about this because you and Taako are cis but you know I’m trans?” Angus’s voice turns up into a squeak at the end, and he looks, understandably, like he is slightly ill.

“You don’t have to apologize,” Kravitz says, ignoring how bad being called sir makes him feel. “I didn’t, Angus, but thank you for telling me. What do you need?”

“Normally I would ask Avi, but he’s away, and I’m so sorry for bothering you,” Angus says, still stimming frantically in a way Kravitz recognizes as his “nervous stim”. (He had picked it up from Magnus, which Kravitz thought was very sweet.)

Kravitz reaches out, a questioning look on his face. Angus nods, and Kravitz gathers him close, hugging him tightly. After a beat, Kravitz can feel his hands still.

“Hey. Angus. You know I won’t yell at you or reject you, okay? What do you need? Whatever it is, you’re not a bother.”

Angus mutters something Kravitz can’t quite catch, and he sighs and pushes Angus away slightly so he can hear him. “What was that?”

“I need a binder,” Angus says, quietly and quickly. Kravitz pulls him back in, hugging him tight.

“Of course. Do you know where to get one?” Kravitz asks, trying to put as much of the unspoken “I accept you” into his words as possible.

“Avi says-” Angus begins, and then he makes a face.

“What?” Kravitz asks.

“I don’t want to out anyone,” Angus says, folding in on himself.

“Hey, little man, it’s okay. I know Avi’s trans. You’re okay,” Kravitz says, his heart pained by how cautious and careful Angus is all the time.

“Okay,” Angus says, taking a deep breath. “Avi says he gets his from a store on the ground, um, obviously, but I need someone to go with me and no one is around and I thought maybe you could take me because-”

“Of course,” Kravitz says, smiling. “When do you want to go? I need to schedule some time off from work, but I can do that easily.”

“I don’t want to be a bother, sir!” Angus says, and Kravitz melts a little.

“Listen to me, Ango mcMango, because you’re never a bother. Never ever ever,” he adds, squishing Angus’s cheeks.

“I’m thirteen, sir,” Angus says, but he’s smiling.

Kravitz does schedule time off, and it is a little hard, because the Raven Queen knows he’s also been taking a lot of time off for dates with Taako, but he manages. And it’s all worth it to see how confident Angus is when he comes out of the store, beaming and skipping and flapping his hands. Kravitz picks him up, to much protests.

“Sir!” Angus says, laughing.

“We have to get home somehow, right?” Kravitz says, and even the sir can’t sour his mood. He rips a portal back to the B.O.B, right to the quad where Killian and Carey are viciously dueling each other.

Angus runs towards them, and Kravitz wasn’t aware they were such good friends. From where he stands, he can see Killian high-fiving Angus and Carey bouncing up and down, clearly feeling restless. He grins and runs over.

“Nice suit, Ango!” Carey says loudly. (They _might_ have gotten distracted, and they _might_ have ended up buying Angus some new clothes as well.)

“Did you pick this out, mister fashion man?” Killian asks, gesturing at Angus as he preens.

This _does_ make Kravitz a little uncomfortable, too many gender words in a row. He raises a hand to scratch the back of his neck awkwardly, and Angus side-eyes him. He thinks he’d better watch out, with the little detective around, and then he remembers what he was going to ask. “Uh, yeah. Have you seen Taako?”

“What, looking for your boyfriend, lover boy?” Carey asks teasingly, and Kraviz nods, the uncomfortable-ness deepening a bit.

“He’s over there,” Killian says, gesturing vaguely off to the side. “Come on, Angus, let’s go show Avi how cool you look!” she adds excitedly, and Carey immediately breaks into a run, Killian close behind dragging Angus, who’s still stimming excitedly.

Kravitz trudges off towards where Killian indicated, making sure to act happy until Angus was out of sight. He feels an itch, an urge to do something to ease the anxiety deep in his stomach. He knows that he basically has two options:

-Deal with the dysphoria, or

-Come out, but lose Taako

Kravitz wonders, though, if he’s being anxious about nothing and if there’s a possibility of a third option that means maybe he can keep Taako in a non-painful manner. _Well, there’s only one way to find out. And I technically am the immortal in this relationship_.

Taako is casting spells at a target, his face sweaty and impossibly attractive. He turns as Kravitz enters, firing one last volley off at the singed target as he does.

“Kravitz!” he says, looking delighted. “Thought you had work?”

“Angus needed me,” Kravitz says distractedly and perhaps a bit mysteriously. “Can we talk?”

“Yeah, sure, anything in particular, my man?” Kravitz winces, and he doesn’t bother to hide it.

“You’re gay,” he starts, and then realizes it’s probably not the best way to start this conversation.

“Indeed, but I’m very confused as to where this is going. Don’t you know this?” Taako says, winking and walking closer to Kravitz.

“You’re a boy who likes boys, and you’re dating me,” Kravitz says, repeating himself while he tries to figure out what to say next.

“Is there a point to this, Krav?” Taako asks, resting his chin in his hands. His hair is fly-away, and Kravitz desperately wants to know that Taako isn’t going to leave him, because he wants to touch it.

“How much flexibility is there in that label?” Kravitz asks quickly, bracing himself. “How much room is there, hypothetically, for dating someone who isn’t exactly a boy.”

“I feel like you’re trying to tell me something,” Taako says, grinning, and Kravitz is both taken aback and not surprised at all, because how could Taako, twin sister Lup, wonderful wizard he is, ever reject him?

“Maybe,” Kravitz says.

“Tell me, then, because I am not a divination wizard,” Taako says.

“I… I know I present as a man, and use he/him and stuff, but I don’t really understand gender and I’m not comfortable being called a man,” Kravitz says, the touch of Taako’s hand on the back of his neck grounding him. “And I was scared to tell you because if I’m not a man, then you’re probably not attracted to me because-”

Taako interrupts him. “Ridiculous. Sure, I’m gay, but if you don’t exactly fit into man or women, then what’s a word to tell me if you’re hot? Which you are. Want me to stop calling you my boyfriend? Did you buy Angus a new suit?”

Kravitz is filled with an enormous sense of relief, and gratitude, and love. He’s also a bit blindsided by the change in topic. “Uh, yes to both. Being called a man or mister or sir is pretty dysphoria inducing, to be honest. And Angus needed some new things.”

“Will do, and yes, he did. Wait!” Taako says, looking worried. “Did you get him a binder?”

“Uh, maybe? Is that bad?”

“No, it’s great, loving the solidarity, but also fuck, because me and Magnus and Killian all independently got him one for Candlenights, so now he’s going to have four.”

Kravitz laughs. “I still don’t think that’s a bad thing, now he’ll have back-ups.”

“Ain’t that the truth, my wonderful datemate,” Taako murmurs, and he kisses Kravitz.

**Author's Note:**

> if you leave a comment i will like you forever!! my tumblr is @ yesmynameisalbus, if you want to come talk to me! (i'd love it. seriously) (send me an ask it would make my day)


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